Teens & Cellphones: Manners A Primer Part II

by Lori Cunningham

Manners

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This post is part II of a four part series entitled Teens & Cellphones – A Primer. The first post, Teens & Cellphones – A Primer Part Ihas already been published. The next upcoming posts in this series deal with the topics of Safety and Sexting.

Just what are manners and how important are they?According to Wikipedia, “manners are the unenforced standards of conduct which demonstrate that a person is proper, polite, and refined. They are like laws in that they codify or set a standard for human behavior, but they are unlike laws in that there is no formal system for punishing transgressions, other than social disapproval. They are a kind of norm.”

As with any type of communication, manners are a must with texting. Manners show people that you have respect for them and that you value them. It’s no surprise that manners–good or bad– are taught or at least learned in the home. Children pick up cues from their parents on how to behave. Whether parents intentionally teach their children or not, monkey see, monkey do comes into play.

The LG Text Survey they found that 42% of parents texted someone while at the dinner table. Interestingly enough, 69% of teens admitted to the same behavior. Children are watching their parents and acceptable standards of behavior are being formed years before a child ever receives their first cellphone.

1. Don’t text or talk if you are face-to-face talking with others.
2. Don’t text or talk on the phone during mealtimes, family time, or late at night.
3. Refrain from texting and walking.
4. Never text and drive – accidents can happen within seconds.
5. Answer your phone in a bathroom? Not recommended. It invades others’ personal space.
6. Private conversations in restaurants, waiting rooms, hallways, buses, etc. are difficult and you tend to talk louder to compensate for background noise. Let your voicemail take the call. If you must return the call, step outside.
7. Remember to turn your phone off or to vibrate during the movies, plays, shows, rehearsals, weddings, funerals, meetings, job interviews, church, library, museum, etc.
8. If a text or phone call comes in that you have to respond to immediately, excuse yourself but make your absence brief.
9. Do not use CAPITALS when texting people. They will interpret your tone as screaming.
10. Make your text messages brief. Verizon recommends using e-mail over texting for any message over 160 characters.
11. Don’t text anything you’re not willing to tell someone in person. Threats, insults, and hurtful messages are most likely to be forwarded to others to humiliate the original sender
12. Do not take/accept any inappropriate pictures or texts.  If you receive one, delete it immediately.
13. When texting, ensure you double check the phone number you’re sending your text to.
14. Also double check your message, tone, and intention before sending. After you hit send, who knows how far and to who your message will travel.
15. Even if people are texting or accepting calls while talking to you, don’t repeat the same behavior back. Treat others how you want to be treated rather than how they treat you.
16. Model manners in your texts to your children when you text them. Treat them with the same respect you expect back.

Searching YouTube, I found a somewhat humorous video from eHow on How to Practice Proper Cell Phone Etiquette.  It focuses on a couple where the wife has issues with phone separation:

A Mom’s Perspective

Many of these tips are common sense. But reflect on your own behavior. Have you used your cellphone without an earpiece while driving? Have you checked your messages while driving? Have you fired off a text without checking it first only to find you caused friction with the person who received the e-mail? Have you interrupted a conversation to check a text or answer a call? For many, convenience outweighs common sense. Remember, our children are watching us. This reminds me of one of my favorite songs that still brings tears to my eyes. It’s called Be Careful Little Eyes What You See. The song isn’t about phone etiquette, but it reminds us that all of our actions are being watched by our children. If we want them to grow up to be loving, caring, generous, happy adults, we must first model for them the behaviors to emulate.

I have to admit, before writing this article, I didn’t think much about when I was using my phone.  Now that I’m more aware, I’ve actually caught myself checking my e-mail or a text while at a restaurant, at our table at home during lunch, and while sitting at a red light while driving.  Oops.  And who do you think is usually with me while I am doing this?  My four and seven year olds.  I am making a committment now to model the behavior for my children that I would like to see them demonstrate when they are teens.  How about you?

Be sure to come back next week to read Teens & Cellphones:  Safety  A Primer Part III.  This article will cover the importance of refraining from texting or calling while driving as well as general safety tips when using a cellphone.  I welcome your comments, additional manner suggestions, and personal experiences.  Please leave a comment to share with other readers.