by Lori Cunningham
We’ve all done it, checked our texts or e-mail’s during the movies, meal-time, driving, while talking to someone face-to-face, at the store, during school, while in a meeting, during sports events, in the car…even at funerals! The desire to “check-in” isn’t just for teenagers, we are all guilty of it. What is it about that strong desire to see if you have any messages? And the pull of urgency we feel to respond right away?
While at Ford’s Trend Conference, I was in for an unexpected treat. Ford put together a panel on Returning to Your Senses, and in this session, they explored how the advantages of being wired while avoiding digital overload.
“We are content to be alone together,”
voiced Sherry Turkle, a professor at MIT. She studies the fascinating oxymoron of wanting to be with others but also connected elsewhere. She notes that “people want to go to that class, funeral, or dinner, but only want to pay attention to the bits that interests them.” Being sociable online allows us to hide our true selves from others, despite the fact that we are constantly connected to each other. Turkle states that,
“if we text rather than talk, we can keep each other at a distance in ways we can control. It lets us edit, retouch, and show the moments and thoughts that project the image we want.”
Let’s face it, relationships aren’t always easy, they can be emotional and irrational at times. An you can’t control what you’re going to say, there’s no undo button. But online, you don’t have to show that, you can project a happy relationship and make yourself look better. But in doing so, Turkle says,
“we sacrifice conversation for mere connection.”
Turkle has noticed this in the classroom as well during the classes she teaches at MIT. Students are constantly on their phones and seem to expect more of a performance now from their professors, rather than just straightforward teaching. If the professor doesn’t capture their attention, they can get instant gratification from their connected world on their phones.
Turkle explains that in talking with students, they don’t see a text message as an “interruption,” but rather as just “another connection.” In essence, they feel they are having “multiple connections” rather than an interruption.
Do you find it distracting when you’re talking to someone and they have their phone out, ready to answer, just in case? Knowing you’re likely to be interrupted, you’ll probably keep the conversation at a higher level. I know I have felt that way. Nothing is more dissatisfying than when you’re talking to someone about something really important to you and they reach for their phone to answer a text. Has this happened to you with your teens?
The Need for Quiet Time
What about when you or your child are alone…or do you have alone time anymore? Nowadays, alone time is seen as isolating and lonely. But having time to yourself is essential to
1.) relax
2.) decompose
3.) learn more about yourself through reflection
And if you or your children partake in “alone time,” do you make your phones and electronics off limits? In today’s over-connected, busy world, one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your children is some sanctioned “quiet time.”
I used to have my children spend quiet time in their rooms everyday when they were little, but stopped probably around Kindergarten and 1st grade, thinking…they outgrew it. Wrong! One of the best things I can do for them is to reinstate it…for them and for me!
Quiet time is a great time to do some reading, journaling, listen to music, pray, or even reflect on things. And if you’re lucky, you or your kids may just fall asleep for a little nap, that just happened the other day with my 7 year old son! Bonus!
It will be awkward at first, as we are all conditioned to have our smart devices close at hand offering “companionship.” Being alone with your thoughts can be frightening. As Turkle says, “being alone feels more like a problem that needs to be solved.” She went on to say that if “we are unable to be alone, we will be more lonely. If we don’t teach our children to be alone, they will only be lonely.” What a gift we can give our children to understand that solitude is a gift, not a curse.
Now, you might be wondering what all of this has to do with Ford. Ford studies the whole person behind the wheel of their cars. Understanding current and upcoming trends helps them to develop cars that fit their drivers. Their concept of the “car that cares” was created by studying trends like this. For example by using sensors, the car can identify stressful moments a driver is going through and postpone all incoming texts and phone calls until the driver’s stress level as decreased. Learn more about the Car that Cares.
If you don’t already have quiet time secured in your schedule, take some time to do it for yourself and your kids. You owe it to yourselves. How do you spend your quiet time?
* I was invited to Ford for the Trends Conference. All travel and lodging expenses were taken care of by Ford. All opinions are my own.
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I used to do “Salute to the Sun” everyday with my kids when they were little. We’d get into our poses and then take a few minutes to quietly reflect within ourselves as we sat together. I too stopped as my kids got older, but this post has inspired me to try and get it going again. I know it’s an important gift I can give them in this over-“connected” world we’re living in. Thanks for the thoughts!
I am guilty of over-using technology. I do try to take time to spend with my family without checking my phone but as a blogger I always want to know what is going on.
I know what you mean, Christy. I have much to improve upon in this area. I keep reminding myself I need to be a good example for my kids so they don’t turn around and have the same bad habits.
So good. So true. I was totally that for a LONG time – granted, I did not have kids but worked with them. It wasn’t until someone put it in terms of RESPECT did it finally register to me that being present was more important than being “connected.” Teens and those we we bringing up in this super connected world where they can chose what they want to see and learn and be entertained by won’t grasp that if we don’t teach it to them – dare I say – in the context of simple MANNERS…remember those?
It’s funny, it’s easy to see why focusing on your phone in the presence of others is not considered “bad manners.” As soon as you do it, you start a wave and before you know it, everyone is on their phones. But you are right, it is up to us, as childrens’ parents and teachers to make them aware of the beauty of being present…and being polite at the same time!