Remembering My Child Then to Help Me Guide Her Now

This article is sponsored by The Center for Teen and Parent Communication (CTPC) a part of the Division of Adolescent Medicine at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. CTPC is committed to strengthening family relationships and building youth who will possess the character strengths that will prepare them for healthy, successful, and meaningful lives. 

We have written a lot of articles about teens and parents, especially when it comes to cellphones and responsibility.  Communication is a key aspect of guiding kids through the use of technology.  It is essential for guiding kids through life experiences.

Remember when your child was young, s/he could do no wrong.  So sweet, innocent, full of life.  You shared many moments. But when kids become teens, communication changes.  

Reflecting back on how your child used to be is important to remind you who your child is now, despite upsets and disappointments s/he may be causing you.

Here’s my reflection of Then and Now on my now beautiful 15-year-old daughter.

Then

I remember your infectious laugh and how easily you made friends.  You had a love for adventure and took in each new experience with open arms and a beaming smile. 

I never will forget how you impressed your Gram, wise beyond your 4 years, understanding complex words like “theme” and others.

You were a sponge for learning and oh how you loved to read.  We never missed a nighttime story together, it was a special time I will always cherish. 

Even as young as you were, you had a big heart, were quick with hugs and kisses, yet had a mind of your own and a confidence that bloomed with time.

Now

Today, I marvel at how you memorize facts, numbers, and even songs.  I’ve never met anyone who can pick up lyrics so quickly as you do. 

And how you bypassed French 2 after one year of French is beyond me…and the fact that you are now in French 3 with seniors who studied for 3 years…and yet you weren’t too worried about it.  Wow.

In high school volleyball this year, despite 4 years of club volleyball, you sat on the bench for the first part of the season.  Were you disappointed?  Yes, but you did not sit in despair.  Instead, you cheered your team on.  You remained positive.  You worked harder.  Now, you are starting the games.

You are gentle, humble, resilient, and, you are an encourager.

I’ll never forget in 2nd grade how most of the class called you their best friend.  Today, it’s no different.  You have a remarkable way of being there for your friends, lifting them up, showing your love and care for them, and loving life with them.

And although I could go on forever, let me mention how proud I was of you when you set up, recruited, and coached your own Odyssey of the Mind team.  Your drive and leadership resulted in the best Odyssey script and performance I have seen you do. 

It was creative, witty, and engaging. You were relentless in scheduling and rescheduling your practices, guiding your group, and keeping the team on track.

I loved how you took to the power tools and built a background that was beautiful and well constructed.  You went above and beyond, based on the skills you acquired from past experiences. You can do so much!

When you set your mind to do something, you’re tenacious.  There is no stopping you…and who would want to?

Our teens are going through so much today, more than we ever had to face as teenagers. 

Navigating through these times as a parent is difficult.  When should we step in and when should we let our child handle things on their own is a tough call.

And when our teens ignore our advice or push back rather than hearing it…to their detriment…are we really helping more than harming?

Sometimes our teens’ recurrent ill behaviors tend to capture our focus rather than who they are as a whole person.

I like this quote from The Center for Parent and Teen Communication, a new, valuable resource for every parent navigating the teen years.

“Love is seeing someone as they deserve to be seen, rather than seeing them based upon behaviors they might be displaying.”

This quote came from an article entitled, Remember the Best In Your Child and See it in Your Teen, by Dr. Ginsburg, the director of the Center. 

This article along with the video below gave me access to a different approach in interacting with my teen as she struggles at times with the load of her responsibilities.

It’s too easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment when disciplining your teen.  Remember, there are many moments that make up who your teen is today.  We all need to be reminded of this.

Take a moment and share your Then and Now memories on Facebook and share it with your teen.  Then go to the Center of Teen and Parent Communication to find new ways to communicate and lift your teen up to help him/her be the best s/he can be.

*This article is sponsored by The Center for Teen and Parent Communication (CTPC) a part of the Division of Adolescent Medicine at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.