Why I Recommend This for Your Child’s First Phone

When it’s time to get your child’s first phone, many just give them the one they upgraded from. It makes sense, but it could do more harm than good.

If you have a younger child, think about the future.  When he is learning to drive, would you allow him to use your brand new Tesla? 

Perhaps, if it’s your only car, but most likely, you’d start him off on the older car first, right?  This way, if he scrapes or crashes the car, it’s a little bit easier to take.

The same thought process applies to your child’s first phone.  I’m a big advocate of what I call, escalated responsibility. 

Escalated responsibility simply means to start children/teens off slowly with a cellphone and some of its capabilities, then gradually add more as the child shows maturity.

Giving your child a new iPhone X or even the last year’s model that you upgraded from, is like giving him/her the keys to the Tesla before learning how to drive.  

Escalated Responsibility

Image by Okan Caliskan from Pixabay

Escalated Responsibility is all about “earning” trust and growing in responsibility. 

Most kids get their phones at 6th-grade promotion.  I remember when all of my daughter’s friends received their first phone at this time.  Trust me, I heard about it.

A child’s first phone should be given at 13 year’s old.  Anticipation is not a bad thing and by the time my children received their phone, all the phone experimentation and talk about new apps from their friends died down.

Waiting until age 13 helped our kids in a number of ways:

1. It gave them a clear timeframe when they could receive a phone
2. It gave them character and resilience to understand that just because all their friends have something and they don’t, life goes on
3. They didn’t set the “rules” on when they received a phone, we did
4. They did not get caught up in the frenzy of trying every new app and experimenting with it
5. If my daughter really wanted to be on Instagram, I allowed her to use my Instagram account.  After she friended her friends with my account, it made it easier to keep an eye on what her friends were posting
6. It allowed my children to anticipate and then appreciate the phone more once they received it

Once your child’s first phone is given, the floodgates should not be opened up.  Limit your child on what he can do with his first phone. 

The best first step is to limit to calls and texting.  And limit the total number of individuals she can text to.  Allow more people once she shows maturity.

After this step, you can introduce data into her phone’s plan.  Allow a certain number of apps to start.  Ensure no apps are downloaded without your permission. 

Make sure you have passwords to all social media accounts.

As responsibility continues, allow your child to access more apps and data.

Why is escalated responsibility important?  Well, for one, it limits your impact both financially and emotionally.  And two, there’s is actually something much deeper.

To get more to the heart of things, we are really talking about entitlement.  Let me explain further.

Is Your Child Entitled to a Phone?

Image by Hanna Kovalchuk from Pixabay

Is your child expecting you to give him a phone?  Do you really have a choice in the matter?

According to Doug Andrew, from his book Entitlement Abolition, he states:

“In today’s me-centric-instant-gratification world, too many of us fall into the trap of self-centeredness and consumerism.”

He goes on to say that entitlement is human nature once knowledge, material wealth, and abundance builds in our lives.

As parents, we want the best for our children but sometimes we forget the distinction between enabling them versus empowering them.

Sure, giving your child your old phone is convenient, and quite frankly, your child likely expects it, whether voiced or not.  Or, she may be holding out for a brand new phone.

The thought of earning money to buy a phone isn’t necessarily at the top of their minds.  As happened with most of their friends, children expect their parents to give them a phone…and a good one.  This is entitlement.

Fast forward to the future, Andrews calls entitlement the “plague” of today’s companies.  It brings about a pervasive “what’s in it for me?” mindset that disrupts the “we” mentality and the vision of a business. 

Andrew states about kids nursed through entitlement,

“These are young people who may have been born on third base, but grew up thinking they had hit a triple.”

Their sense of accomplishment becomes warped. They believe they got to where they are by their own accomplishments, not because of help from Mom and Dad. 

And it’s not only Mom and Dad.  When I grew up, only the most deserving received trophies when playing sports.  Today, many kids receive trophies just for participating!

Andrew believes that to help children past their natural sense of entitlement,

“we must teach your children ‘how to fish’ rather than dumping fish into their laps.”

We take the time to teach our kids to drive, we should do the same with giving your child his first cell phone.  The cell phone and car are the top two things older kids and teens desire most. 

Use both of these “rites of passage” as opportunities to teach your kids lifelong lessons.

First Cell Phone

So, let’s go back to the topic of giving your child their first phone. Instead of giving her your old iPhone, give your child a flip phone.  Yes, that’s right, a flip phone.

Why a flip phone?

• Many cost below $100
• It doesn’t need a fanciful case (extra cost)
• It self protects the screen by folding up
• It simplifies things.  Kids use the phone for talking and texting.  Today’s kids hate talking on the phone, you’ll get the opportunity to teach them phone conversation politeness
• No data costs from streaming, social media, and surfing
• It will humble your child
• No accidental calling
• Keeps them focused on being more responsible to “earn” a phone with touchscreen
• It lessens the need to constantly be connected and check email, social media, etc.
• If they break it or drop it in water or lose it, you won’t be out much money
• If they lose it, they won’t have lost access to much personal data
• There will be less burden on your child to care for an $800 used phone
• It likely won’t be stolen from your child’s backpack!

I’ll never forget the story a friend told me about a junior high school girl who lost her phone…down a sewer drain while attempting to get into her carpooler’s car. 

Her brand new iPhone in Rose Gold fell deep within the depths of the sewer, which was situated at the curb where she hopped into the car.  The metal bar going across the sewer prevented her from getting in there.

The poor girl was overly distraught and, quite frankly, “freaking out.”  She couldn’t think straight and had a sense of outright dread overcome her.  She had just received this brand new phone.

Fortunately, my quick thinking friend got out of her car and talked to some construction workers working on a house across the street. 

With some pleading, she convinced them to come over and help retrieve the migrant Apple iPhone.  After much effort, the phone was reunited with the girl who previously was overwhelmed with fraught.

The next day, my friend brought a thank you gift to the construction workers, the distraught teen did not.

Having a new or newer model iPhone is highly sought after in junior high and high school. 

It’s seen as a status symbol.  But it comes at a price…both monetarily and potentially emotionally if dropped, stolen, or lost.

A Child’s First Phone

Image by Jess Foami from Pixabay

A flip phone like a Coolpad SNAP, is a simple phone.  It offers calling, texting, taking 2 MB photos, and basic calendar functions.

The Coopad SNAP comes with a dual microphone for enhanced audio quality,  a 2.8-inch QVGA display, and broad network coverage through T-mobile and Sprint.

It is intended to be a simple phone.  Think of it as a “building stone phone.” 

Once your child shows responsibility by taking care of the phone, you can upgrade him/her to a smartphone with touchscreen.  But even then, limit the number of apps she can download until she continues to show further maturity.

I learned this advice through interaction with my own kids.  For my son’s 13th birthday I gave him my old Huawei Honor 6 phone.  It was 3-years old but it had a fast charging USB-C charging system.  

We bought him a case for it and enjoyed texting him and finally having a way to communicate with him. 

My son took good care of it until the day he wanted to pet a shark at the Long Beach Aquarium “petting zoo.”  The phone slipped out of his pocket and right into the “shark-infested” waters, as he likes to tell it.  

He pulled it out of the water right away, but we were unable to revive it.  Yes, we already tried every trick in the book to bring it back. 

For the past 6 weeks, my son has been without a phone.  But now, I have let him borrow the Coolpad SNAP flip phone to use.

It’s not the easiest to type texts on due to its limited physical keypad.  But he has mastered it.  Why?  Because it’s the only phone he has access to.  

Will we get him another phone eventually?  Yes, but when we get there, he’ll start with limited access to apps and with earned maturity, we will escalate the number of apps he will have access to.

A child’s first phone is an important building block in teaching your child about life.  Start small and build from there.

A flip phone is a short-term investment.  Once your child “graduates” to a touchscreen phone, you can pass it along to your next budding teenager to “train” on. 

Oh, and you can tell your child that they are in good company.  Rihanna, Christopher Walken, Kate Beckinsale, and Anna Wintour prefer the simplicity of the flip phone too.

We’ve got a lot of great tips for parents when getting your child’s first phone.  Start with Parental Advice Before Giving Your Child a Phone.

*I was given a Coolpad SNAP for evaluation.  All opinions are my own.