{"id":10664,"date":"2013-07-17T02:47:29","date_gmt":"2013-07-16T19:47:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wellconnectedmom.com\/blog\/?p=10664"},"modified":"2013-07-17T04:47:02","modified_gmt":"2013-07-16T21:47:02","slug":"is-our-desire-to-connect-disconnecting-us","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wellconnectedmom.com\/blog\/is-our-desire-to-connect-disconnecting-us\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Our Desire to Connect Disconnecting Us?"},"content":{"rendered":"
by Lori Cunningham<\/span><\/div>\n
\"Forward<\/div>\n

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We’ve all done it, checked our texts or e-mail’s during the movies, meal-time, driving, while talking to someone face-to-face, at the store, during school, while in a meeting, during sports events, in the car…even at funerals! \u00a0The desire to “check-in” isn’t just for teenagers, we are all guilty of it. \u00a0What is it about that strong desire to see if you have any messages? \u00a0 And the pull of urgency we feel to respond right away?<\/div>\n
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While at Ford’s Trend Conference<\/a>, I was in for an unexpected treat. \u00a0Ford<\/a>\u00a0put together a panel on Returning to Your Senses, and in this session, they explored how the advantages of being wired while avoiding digital overload.<\/div>\n
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“We are content to be alone together<\/em>,”<\/span><\/h2>\n

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voiced Sherry Turkle, a professor at MIT. \u00a0 She studies the fascinating oxymoron of wanting to be with others but also connected elsewhere. \u00a0She notes that “people want to go to that class, funeral, or dinner, but only want to pay attention to the bits that interests them.” \u00a0Being sociable online allows us to hide our true selves from others, despite the fact that we are constantly connected to each other. \u00a0Turkle\u00a0states that,<\/div>\n
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“if we text rather than talk, we can keep each other at a distance in ways we can control. \u00a0It lets us edit, retouch, and show the moments and thoughts that project the image we want.”<\/em><\/span><\/h2>\n
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Let’s face it, relationships aren’t always easy, they can be emotional and irrational at times. \u00a0An you can’t control what you’re going to say, there’s no undo button. \u00a0But online, you don’t have to show that, you can project a happy relationship and make yourself look better. \u00a0But in doing so, Turkle\u00a0says,<\/div>\n
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“we sacrifice conversation for mere connection.”<\/em><\/span><\/h2>\n

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Turkle has noticed this in the classroom as well during the classes she teaches at MIT. \u00a0Students are constantly on their phones and seem to expect more of a performance now from their professors, rather than just straightforward teaching. \u00a0If the professor doesn’t capture their attention, they can get instant\u00a0<\/span><\/span>gratification\u00a0from their connected world on their phones.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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Turkle explains that in talking with students, they don’t see a text message as an “interruption<\/i><\/span>,” but rather as just “another\u00a0connection<\/em><\/span>.” \u00a0In essence, they feel they are having “multiple connections<\/em><\/span>” rather than an interruption.<\/div>\n
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Do you find it distracting when you’re talking to someone and they have their phone out, ready to answer, just in case? \u00a0Knowing you’re likely to be interrupted, you’ll probably keep the conversation at a higher level. \u00a0I know I have felt that way. \u00a0Nothing is more dissatisfying than when you’re talking to someone about something really important to you and they reach for their phone to answer a text. \u00a0Has this happened to you with your teens?<\/div>\n

\"Tired<\/p>\n

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The Need for Quiet Time<\/span><\/h2>\n
What about when you or your child are alone…or do you have alone time anymore? \u00a0Nowadays, alone time is seen as isolating and lonely. \u00a0But having time to yourself is essential to<\/div>\n
1.) \u00a0relax<\/div>\n
2.) \u00a0decompose<\/div>\n
3.) \u00a0learn more about yourself through reflection<\/div>\n
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And if you or your children partake in “alone time,” do you make your phones and electronics off limits? \u00a0In today’s over-connected, busy world, one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your children is some sanctioned “quiet time.”<\/div>\n
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I used to have my children spend quiet time in their rooms everyday when they were little, but stopped probably around Kindergarten and 1st grade, thinking…they outgrew it. \u00a0Wrong! \u00a0One of the best things I can do for them is to reinstate it…for them and for me!<\/div>\n
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Quiet time is a great time to do some reading, journaling, listen to music, pray, or even reflect on things. \u00a0And if you’re lucky, you or your kids may just fall asleep for a little nap, that just happened the other day with my 7 year old son! \u00a0Bonus!<\/div>\n
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It will be awkward at first, as we are all conditioned to have our smart devices close at hand offering “companionship.” \u00a0Being alone with your thoughts can be frightening. \u00a0As Turkle says, “being alone feels more like a problem that needs to be solved.” \u00a0She went on to say that if “we are unable to be alone, we will be more lonely. \u00a0If we don’t teach our children to be alone, they will only be lonely.” \u00a0What a gift we can give our children to understand that solitude is a gift, not a curse.<\/div>\n
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Now, you might be wondering what all of this has to do with Ford. \u00a0Ford \u00a0studies the whole person behind the wheel of their cars. \u00a0Understanding current and upcoming trends helps them to develop cars that fit their drivers. \u00a0Their concept of the “car that cares” was created by studying trends like this. \u00a0For example by using sensors, the car can identify stressful moments a driver is going through and postpone all incoming texts and phone calls until the driver’s stress level as decreased. \u00a0Learn more about the Car that Cares<\/a>.<\/div>\n
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If you don’t already have quiet time secured in your schedule, take some time to do it for yourself and your kids. \u00a0You owe it to yourselves. \u00a0How do you spend your quiet time?<\/div>\n
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* \u00a0I was invited to Ford for the Trends Conference. \u00a0All travel and lodging expenses were taken care of by Ford. \u00a0All opinions are my own.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Is our need to be connected to each other through email, texting, and social media interfering with our innate need to develop deep relationships with others and ourselves?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,971,13,14,16,20],"tags":[1883,1903,1907,936,1904,1905,1910,748,1911,1908,1909,1912,1906],"class_list":["post-10664","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dads","category-health","category-kids","category-moms","category-phones","category-technology","tag-car-that-cares","tag-connect","tag-connected-world","tag-connection","tag-disconnect","tag-disconnection","tag-family-interaction","tag-ford","tag-friends","tag-phone-manners","tag-sherry-turkle","tag-social-norms","tag-too-connected","entry","has-post-thumbnail"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wellconnectedmom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10664","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wellconnectedmom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wellconnectedmom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wellconnectedmom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wellconnectedmom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10664"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wellconnectedmom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10664\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wellconnectedmom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10664"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wellconnectedmom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10664"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wellconnectedmom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10664"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}